My Summer Reading List!

... and why I probably won't crack a single cover.

Whenever summer rolls around I find that I have accumulated a small pile of reading material to tackle during all my leisure time. But, year after year, I also find myself avoiding the pile and leaving it to accumulate a small pile of gray dust. Ultimately, by the time uni rolls back around, I am unable to even see what the cover even is. So, in the spirit of honesty (which I am all about, especially when it comes to dealing with myself...) I've decided to share just why I already loathe all my summer reading choices for 2008, and divulge exactly what I'll be doing instead of reading.

Oh, and FYI:
RWR=Rating Without Reading.

1. The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing
Why I bought it: I liked the cover. Wait, did I even? I suppose I liked the thickness of it. It looked substantial. I like notebooks, right? I skimmed the blurb. Something about a woman who has a couple to several notebooks about various topics. Could be worse.
Why I have since decided against it: It looks substantial...
Why I really bought it: I picked it up in Elizabeth's and walked around with it. Then my friend wanted to exit and I still had the book and hadn't yet decided for or against purchasing it but they really wanted to go get sushi and I was like eerrgghhhhhh then before I knew it I had paid for it. The guy at the counter was totally not nice, either.
My RWR: 7/10. I'd probably really actually enjoy it.
What I'll read instead: Nurse Nancy, or just wear the complimentary pink polka dotted BandAids. Yay for $4 Little Golden Books!

2. Little Birds by Anais Nin
Why I bought it: I liked the edition. Yay for I 've read another Nin book, Henry and June, that was okay.
Why I have since decided against it: The woman's face on the cover really annoys me. She's got this really obnoxious hibiscus flower onto of a bob hairdo that I was sporting just last month- only on me, it looked good. This is budget burlesque, at best. I can't take this shit on the train to work! I have a reputation in 6007. Additionally, even those who know next to nothing re: literature knows Anais is one horny bitch. Bantam ain't gotta print 'EROTICA' on the cover, same size as the title.
Why I really bought it: I genuinely thought I would read this one.
MY RWR: 7/10 again.
What I'll read instead: I will view an episode of HBO's Cathouse, and ponder just why Isabella Soprano is so inoffensive, for such a whore.

3. The Captain is out to lunch and the sailors have taken over the ship by Charles Bukowski
Why I bought it: This one was a birthday gift. It's one of those new Bukowski editions- all spongey pulpy covered with illustrations by Robert Crumb. That's the guy who drew for the American Splendor comic series and dang, Charlie and Harvey Peker are the exact same person. How did I not notice this? Did everyone else know this?
Why I have since decided against it: I've flicked through this and it's not maritime themed. I wanted an honest sea shanty about an honest Captain with a seemingly honest crew who, while breaking for an honest sandwich with a side of lime juice, do a mutiny.
Why I really bought it: N/A.
My RWR: A dismal 2/10. Booooo. Boo for Bukowski in general. Bukowski would boo himself if he could, you know. I like my authors to have uncontrollable egos. And also, if he's so great, how come he's dead?
What I'll read instead: I haven't read what deleted scenes my super-deluxe DVD of The Little Mermaid has got yet, so I'll peruse that shortly. Thanks, Mum! That, or finally make out with Scurvs on Saturday eve and contract that stylish STD I've always dreamed of.

4. November's Russh
Why I bought it: I, or one of my housemates, gets Russh every month, or bi-month, whenever it comes out. It's just one of those things.
Why I have since decided against it: Now, this is just plain lazy. I keep picking it up and going for walksies with the mag. We've been to the lounge together, where I rolled it up into a telescope and tried to spot some land mass. It came to the kitchen with me where I cut some nice soft cheese on the Wrangler ad back. So I feel like we have bonded, and taking the relationship to the next level would ruin what we have.
Why I really bought it: The denim-clad girl on the cover has no breasts. I want to have no breasts. I have to uncover her marvelous secret.
My RWR: 1/10, it is unfair that she is boobless.
What I'll read instead: I shall Google "no boob diet" until 3 a.m, then fall asleep content an convinced that if bananas increase bust size, then lemons (clearly the opposite of a banana, being a citrus) will shrink my chest right down to dreamy proportions.